We come to jam. You’re a cynic all ...

Wait, duck ing auto erect!

WELCOME TO JANUARY SINacle …

FUCKING AUTO CORRECT!

Sometimes I think Steve Jobs is laughing up in Heaven … his little joke he left us with … the iPhone auto correct.

You know your life is in a bit of a slump when you are really really stoked they brought back Fear Factor!

YES, FEAR FACTOR IS BACK!

See … my life is in a bit of a valley … that’s my exciting news.

Seriously tho … they play reruns of Fear Factor on Spike or Vs. or one of those macho guy networks and I would watch them when they were on and I would always think … why did they cancel this show?

I mean hell … they could make a show out of anything these days … pawn shops, storage units, cup cakes, taxidermy, gross people from New Jersey, rehab …

And you know … when I was IN rehab … I totally thought that … 30 people together for a month detoxing,
laughing, crying, pissing themselves … I totally thought … man this needs to be a TV show … but hell …
you know … I was still drunk.

But sure enough … they made a TV show about rehab.

My buddy Mark says he is waiting for the show called American Pomade.

About some asshole selling hair grease!

Genius!

So anyway … back to Fear Factor … they brought it back. Good for them. Kinda like when Fox cancelled
Family Guy and then the DVD sales were thru the roof so they decided hey, maybe we pulled the plug too early …
so when they brought it back, Seth MacFarlane basically seemed to just go for it. Fuck the FCC … totally pushed
the limits of what he could get away with.

I kind of get that feeling from Joe Rogan … all tattooed and a bit angry … seems like he has a bit of a chip on
his shoulder … well maybe a ‘I don’t really give a fuck’ attitude about him … but in a good way. Just capping on
the contestants … calling them out … laughing at them.

Good stuff.

I was watching the AFC Championship Game … Ravens vs. Patriots and they show the lineups for each squad.

The Ravens offense … Michael Oher is the RIGHT tackle and Bryant McKinnie is the LEFT tackle.

Now for those of you wondering what the hell I am talking about … Michael Oher is the cat they made the movie
The Blind Side about.

The Blind Side is the nickname for the LEFT tackle position … you protect the quarterback’s BLIND SIDE.
(right handed qb)

So that guy doesn’t even play left tackle.

Shouldn’t he have that written into his contract somewhere … he has to play on the left side??? I mean just for branding alone …

I call bullshit … that guy owes me $18.50 … or whatever the hell two movie tickets costs these days.

So … Facebook.

Yeah, I have already done my Facebook rants … and yes there is a SINacle Facebook page … yeah, yeah … but
this is about Facebook, relationship status and airing of your personal laundry online.

So a couple things … you and your 657 electronic friends … you change your relationship status to ‘single’ and
you get 43 ‘frowny faces’ :(

And don’t get me started again on GUYS who use ‘frowny faces’ or ‘smiley faces’ when they text … ok, I don’t
want to get off course …

So you get those frowny faces and comments like …

‘oh honey, I am so sorry :( ... you’re better off without him’

‘everything happens for a reason’

‘this too shall pass’

… or any of your dime store ‘hang in there’ lines …

I think people get off on the online sentiment … the attention ...

Hey I broke up! … first thing they think … I AM TOTALLY CHANGING MY FACEBOOK STATUS!!!!!

I AM TOTALLY UNFRIENDING MY EX!!!!!

That’ll teach him! (or her)

Like when Kim Kardashian dumped Kris Humphries … the big news … SHE TOTALLY STOPPED FOLLOWING HIM
ON TWITTER!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!

Oh, and a SINacle side note … my fantasy basketball team and fantasy football teams are/were so shitty this year … that I have a new strategy …

I am only drafting players who have banged a Kardashian.

I will have a ton of guys on my teams, probably have to trim the roster down … but I should field a quality squad.

Ok, hell … I got off track again … back to Facebook and the ‘relationship, dirty laundry’ …

Ok, so I can kind of understand or am forced to understand the new world where you mark ‘single’ and everyone knows your ‘relationship status’ has changed and everyone is there to give you an electronic shoulder to cry on.

I think it’s gay, but whatever … I think most shit is gay …

But and I have seen this one 3 or 4 times … where a chick will find out here boyfriend has been hanging out with another girl … or texting her, or whatever and she will then spend days fucking destroying him online.

I mean airing total dirty laundry … telling what happened … posting freakin' pictures of the guy and this ‘other’
girl … just ripping them up and down … posting shit on their pages … sending messages to their ‘friends’ about
what an asshole this guy is … what a low life … every hour or so you get a new update from that person saying
how sad she is … she is eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and burning notes he wrote her …

Blah blah fucking blah!!!

How about some privacy? Some discretion?

It’s keyboard courage man … it’s so detached, it’s so unemotional … it’s so easy … just tell all 857 ‘friends’ … and their electronic friends and their electronic friends … all of your personal shit.

It spreads like some sort of online sexually transmitted disease.

If you think about it … would you want to actually tell that many people … an auditorium full of people, most of
which you don't even really know, all of your dirty life shit … with pictures and tears and everything?

Then why is it ok online? Where a billion people can see that shit and it’s up there forever?

Is this the world we live in?

Society is fucking crumbling man … and it’s starting online.

And yes I get the hypocrisy of me ranting about the online world as I type my rants online.

But, well, I am a hypocritical motherfucker then.

And the BEST part of all of this … these chicks that spend a week basically telling the world what a fucking piece
of shit these guys are … the next week they are back together.

Seriously … updated relationship status! … all freakin' smiley faces!!! :)

Yaaaaayyy!!!

And all the friends who posted, kind of backing her and bashing on him … well they are all fake, saying shit like …

‘I knew it would work out’

‘You guys are so great together’

‘Awww, so happy :) for you’

Makes me want to electronically vomit.

I actually know a chick who did that … just ripped this guy online … I mean freakin' mercilessly shredded
him cuz she found out he was doing some girl he met on Craig's List or something foul like that ...

And how do I know this? Cuz she freakin' posted it online!!! ... WHY???

Then, they ended up getting married and I was invited to the wedding.

So I gotta look at this couple … knowing waaay more than I need to know about their personal shit … and the
whole time I am wondering …

‘hmmm I wonder if he is still banging that Ukrainian chick?’

Maybe think about what you really want the world to know about you and your personal life ...

Speaking of relationships … failed relationships …

Once again … can someone please tell me why people get married?

Kobe Bryant is getting a divorce … his wife, among other things … gets 3 mansions in the Los Angeles area, valued
at over 18 million dollars.

Last I checked … that chick has made the same amount of NBA jump shots as I have.

But she gets half … half your loot Kobe.

You know … If I could just get Kobe to bang one of the Kardashians … my fantasy team would really start to take shape.

And another failed marriage … Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.

Hmmm never saw that one coming.

I guess Ashton cheated on her … whatever … but the age difference etc … I mean, you knew it was coming …
look at Ashton … young, rich, good looking … he must have beautiful women lined up 50 deep anytime he
leaves the house.

I am sure it seemed like a good idea when he married Demi … but eventually with that temptation … you knew it would crack …

Now they have to go thru a messy divorce splitting millions of dollars … all in the press.

Maybe they should FACEBOOK ABOUT IT!!!

You know who are my heroes … I say this time and time again …

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn.

Together forever … not married.

… I am still waiting for it … someone please tell me a good reason for marriage …

Commitment is cool … marriage sucks ass.

Oh and speaking of Ashton Kutcher … I caught an episode of Two and a Half Men with him in it … you know who would be really funny on that show ………………..

Charlie Sheen.

Ok … gotta run … gotta go change my Facebook status to ‘fucking irritated’ …

- Until next time - SEM