Flipping the channels, came across a show called: Obese and Pregnant (fitTV channel 261)

Which leads to the obvious question: who in the hell is fucking these girls???

I have a new SINacle feature … it’s called: People Who Look Like They Stink …

Here is the first edition:

Osama Bin Laden

Zack Galifianakis

Colin Farrell

Neil Young

Amy Winehouse

Nick Nolte

Feel free to add your own in the comments section …

There is this show called Locked Up Abroad which is basically peoples nightmare tales about getting thrown into some jail overseas.

Usually some stupid ass drug mule bit … a Midnight Express come to life.

I watched this show when it first came on … and it freaks me out so so bad because jail, worse yet, a third-world jail is such my freakin’ nightmare. I mean, I have never even been to Tijuana.

And not for lack of opportunity … when I was about 20 years old, my buddy lived in Orange County and wanted to go down to TJ on New Year’s Eve. I had this little BMW 320i and he wanted to pile some people in it and head to Mexico to go party.

I was like ‘no fucking way’ … they gave me a bunch of shit but all I could think about was my skinny ass getting stupidly drunk, doing something totally lame and getting thrown into some sort of dirt prison.

Waking up with no idea where my car was or finding it on blocks stripped to the gills. Or some little kid is trying to sell me BMW hood ornaments and then realizing it's my fucking hood ornament.

Just that whole ‘seen it on tv’ nightmare …

That would happen to me … a little drunken white boy with a chip on his shoulder thinking he’s bulletproof in another country, getting tossed in a Mexican prison crying like a pussy.

So I said no to Tijuana … I mean as charming as women having sex with donkeys and over the counter prescription drugs may be … I could get myself into enough trouble right here in the United States of America.

Speaking of that kind of lame shit … my family and I took a trip to Jamaica once and in the Jamaican airport waiting to come home … my brother was acting all fidgety … I asked him what the hell was the matter with him …

He looks at me all kind of scared and wide eyed … “I have marijuana in my underwear.”

What the fuck?

There are guys with guns and dogs looking at peoples bags and this dipshit has marijuana in his shorts.

Well I immediately got the hell away from him … and if you know my stupid ass brother … you know that he is the kind of moron that would end up on Locked Up Abroad … except well, no … he would just still be in some crazy Jamaican death camp …

So anyway … he goes to the bathroom and gets rid off all of his pot …

We get off the plane in America and get our bags and they are all stamped ‘dog sniffed’ …

From what we had heard later was that the Jamaican jails were underground and just a pit of hell …

Jail in the USA is a freakin’ country club compared to some jails overseas …

Not that I know for sure … and don’t really ever want to find out …

My brother … what an asshole.

So in the mornings I watch American Dad when I am getting ready to do whatever the fuck I have to do that day … and they always have this commercial for a women’s birth control implant called Mirena.

And usually I could give a rats ass, but I see this commercial over and over and started listening … and couldn’t believe the laundry list of possible side effects.

And I love that shit cuz I had written about the restless leg pills which have the side effect of increased gambling habits, which is a classic … but the list of side effects for Mirena were so long and comical that I actually looked it up … yes some SINacle research …

So give this a look:

Mirena does not protect against HIV or STDs

Common Side Effects of Mirena

Acne; back pain; breast pain or tenderness; changes in menstrual bleeding (eg, spotting); changes in sex drive; dizziness, lightheadedness, bleeding, or cramping during placement; headache; nausea; vomiting; weight gain.
Severe allergic reactions (unexplained rash; hives; itching; wheezing; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); breast lumps; changes in vision; chills; fever; genital sores; mental or mood changes (eg, depression); missed menstrual period; Painful menstrual periods; numbness of an arm or leg; painful sexual intercourse; prolonged heavy menstrual bleeding; severe pain or tenderness in the abdomen or pelvis; sharp or crushing chest pain; sudden leg pain; sudden, severe headache, nervousness, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, or fainting; sudden shortness of breath; unusual or odorous vaginal discharge; unusual vaginal swelling or bleeding; yellowing of the skin or the whites of your eyes, upper respiratory infections, a decreased sex drive, Ovarian cysts, sinus infections, pelvic inflammatory disease, high blood pressure

ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside the uterus), such as:

An ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy that occurs outside of the uterus (including a "tubal" pregnancy). Although pregnancy is rare in women who use Mirena, women who do become pregnant while using Mirena have a high risk of ectopic pregnancy. About half of all pregnancies in women who use Mirena are ectopic. These pregnancies cannot survive, often require surgery, and can result in permanent damage that can lead to infertility. Be watchful for any signs of an ectopic pregnancy, such as severe abdominal pain (stomach pain) accompanied by unusual vaginal bleeding. You should not use Mirena if you have ever had an ectopic pregnancy or if your healthcare provider feels that you are at risk for an ectopic pregnancy

Hmmm …

Other minor side effects:

Steals your identity, sleeps with your boyfriend, slashes your tires, kicks your dog, beats your kids, and leaves the toilet seat up.

I mean, what the fuck?

This is all for birth control?

Wow, you must really not want to have kids.

I guess I could see my parents risking that NOT to have any more kids ... the way me and my brother turned out.

If I worked in the marketing department for Trojan I would buy commercial time right after everyone of these commercials with this slogan:

Or You Can Just Wear A Rubber!

Common side effects of SINacle are irritation, anger and general despair …

Oh and February's song of the month is for Y&T's Phil Kennemore ... who passed away in January. Cool mofo.

K, that’s it …


- Until next time - SEM