Mike Ness turned 50 this month.
Mike fucking Ness turned 50 this month.
First off … thank you to Mike Ness for writing the soundtrack to my life.
Think about this … Social Distortion started in 1978.
I was a scrawny skate punk in the mid 80’s … playing in my bad punk band, skating, looking for girls.
Listening to Social Distortion.
Loved that shit.
In 2011 they put out a new album: Hard Times and Nursery Rhymes ... and me and my girl just saw them at
the
Fox Theater in Oakland … 2012.
Freaking awesome.
Plus Mike’s well publicized battles with addiction, etc … line-up changes, Dennis Danell’s (original guitarist) death
in 2000 … they are still making music that I want to listen to. There are a few albums that change your life …
some people say Gun’s N Roses, Appetite for Destruction … some will say Nirvana, Nevermind …
for me:
Social Distortion, Mommy’s Little Monster.
Thank you Mike Ness.
Keep doing it …
You know … I started working with this new firm … a financial / white collar thing … and as I am sitting in one
of their sales meetings … everyone in their button ups, all driven, A-type personalities with nothing but money
and sales on their minds … it occurred to me:
There are two kinds of guys this world … the one’s who say FUCK and the ones that don’t.
I mean literally and figuratively.
I say FUCK.
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK …………. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
It’s my very favorite word.
My favorite thing to do: FUCK!
My favorite thing to say when I drop something: FUCK!
When my team loses: FUCK!
My favorite comeback: FUCK YOU!
My favorite catch phrase: GO FUCK YOURSELF!
And so on and so on … when I used to drink, I would always think … man beer rules!
It’s always there for me … when I am happy: Let’s have a beer!
When I am sad: I need a beer!
When my team wins: Let’s have a beer!
When my team loses: I need a beer!
My chick is coming over: Let’s have a beer!
My chick and I got into a wicked fight: I need a beer!
And so on and so on … beer was always there for me … happy, sad, night, day … bad times and good times …
it never let me down.
Well that’s what the word FUCK represents to me … it’s a beautiful catch all …
So I am sitting in this meeting … talking to these cats … playing the role … and the whole time I just want to
scream FUCK!
You ever hear someone that doesn’t swear and they get pissed and they ‘try’ to swear and they end up
sounding like Jim Mora in one of his famous coaching rants:
“We played like diddly-poo!”
It’s comical …
Or when someone who doesn’t swear all of a sudden let’s out a ‘fuck’ in some sort of declaration of:
‘hey, I am really pissed, and I want everyone to know it!”
It just sounds lame, almost forced …
When my girlfriend blurts one out … I almost laugh and she says, "what, YOU say it!”
I say … “yes, honey … I am a swearer … a well established swearer.”
But I am not really even talking about the actually word coming out of your mouth … I am really talking about
who someone is at their core …
It’s almost hard for me to trust a guy who doesn’t say fuck.
There are two kinds of people in this world:
The kind that says FUCK and the kind that doesn’t.
I say fuck.
Moving on:
I was playing Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots the other day …
It’s just not as much fun as I remembered.
Kind of bummed me out.
There was this story that came across the news: 14 year old boy puts 24 year old girl cousin in a rear choke hold; trying to emulate WWE SmackDown … he killed her.
But that’s not the bit … here is the bit … what state do you think they were from?
Ok, this will be fun … hmmm, what state:
-
California
-
Massachusetts
-
Hawaii
-
Louisiana
Hmmm, let me see … two fucking (see!) rednecks trying to act out professional wrestling?
Hmmm, ummmm … boy …
I could have told you it was Louisiana just from seeing the headline.
Stupid, backwards ass, wresting in the yard fucks.
Here is something that I have come across 2 or 3 times in the last month or so …
People on cell phones publicly arguing.
And you know how everyone seems to talk louder into a cell phone … well I have had the privilege of hearing
people’s loud, full on personal arguments on the street.
Guys calling their girls bitches and other shit, just yelling into their phone.
People just have no filter anymore.
Facebook, public cell phone shit … it’s just all out there for the world to see and hear …
Society is crumbling and it’s yelling into a cell phone so we can all hear …
Speaking of modern technology … and just new, updated shit in general …
How come the people on trophies still look like they were made in 1948?
My daughter just got a trophy for volleyball and the ‘volleyball girl’ on top of the trophy looks like she should
be on a Pee Chee folder.
Seriously, did they make one mold for these things back in the 40’s and then just stop?
Does one guy have the trophy patent or contract and he decided to never update them?
I have to know … everything is updated and modernized yet you could use my daughter’s trophy on the set
of Mad Men and it would fit right in.
This is the shit that runs thru my mind …
Here is why I struggle in life … struggle to embrace new things … to learn shit, to grow up …
Because my brain is so full of useless shit … sports, 80’s movies, pop culture … etc, it’s just stuffed full of that
crap that I just can’t seem to add any real pertinent life data in there.
Nothing that can help me make money or cure a disease or really anything that can be beneficial to man kind
in any way.
Except when my ex-wife will call me and ask … who was that guy, who played in that movie in 1985 with that guy that goes to the Knicks games …
John Tuturro.
Thank you! … click.
I guess I am good for helping win bar arguments … only a cell phone away.
Two examples:
Friends of my girlfriends … a couple, these two doctors … the husband is wearing a baseball cap …
I immediately say: Homestead Grays.
He looks at me in disbelief … he says ‘what?’
I say: ‘nice, hat … Homestead Grays’
He’s like wow … how do you know that? No one EVER knows that …
Then I start dropping into some Negro League stats … talking about Josh Gibson, the greatest home run hitter
in that league, maybe in any league … other useless crap …
And I think … same thing? Why do I know this?
I can’t help it … I can’t control what sticks in there and what doesn’t.
I was talking to my buddy Mark about this … he’s the same way … I can’t tell you what I had for breakfast or
what my girlfriend said to me a few minutes ago, but I can tell you who played the butler in that movie back
in the 80’s and who batted third for the 1979 Pirates … (that Pirates thing alone sparked a half hour conversation between me and Mark)
I am not saying it’s right … it’s just a fact … not something I am proud of … but it is …
Case in point … I was driving with my girlfriend (boy, she is getting a lot of run this month ... I will pay for that later)
… anyway, I am driving with my girlfriend and she is jabbering on about some realtor she worked with but
couldn’t remember his name … hell I don’t know, I was barely listening …
But she insists I know his name … so I say the first name that pops in my head:
Jerry Royster.
What?
Ummm, Bob Horner?
Glen Hubbard?
What the hell are you talking about?
Dale Murphy?
Bruce Benedict?
Craig McMurtry?
I then realize I am rattling of the names of the 1982 Atlanta Braves.
Damn you TBS!
She’s irritated … I start laughing … I text Mark and the text back is him rattling off the 1984 St. Louis Cardinals.
He’s an enabler.
Here is something that sucks: Phil Knight (Nike founder) was elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame … Bernard King
was not.
Speaking of Bernard King … with all the freaking old movies being remade … why don’t they remake Fast Break
That would be awesome … look it up … 1979 Gabe Kaplan, Harold Sylvester, Bernard King … a young basketball
coach empties the ghetto to start a basketball team at a small college, one of them is a girl!
This needs to be re-made. Get Brittney Griner from Baylor to play in it ... Blake Griffin, Kyrie Irving ...
Adam Sandler has probably already bought the rights to it, so I am sure he will be in Kaplan's role.
Which makes sense, a bad white comedian replaces another.
I have already suggested War Games being re-made … they could do something cool with that … well add
Fast Break to the SINacle ‘movies that should be remade’ list.
I heard they are re-making Red Dawn.
Patrick Swayze is rolling over in his grave …
Speaking of re-makes … my daughter rented the new Footloose. And I have to say … well I have to admit … well
I am going to be honest … I didn’t hate it.
I actually thought it was pretty good. They stayed really true to the original and with the updated dancing and
music … it was … well, it didn’t suck … I have to give it credit, I was all ready rail and scream in the name of all
that’s Kevin Bacon … but, I couldn’t … it was alright.
And with that, let’s do this month’s movie review:
The Sitter
Rented this one … starring Jonah Hill (fat Jonah Hill, so he's still funny) … a slacker who’s ‘girlfriend’ isn’t really his ‘girlfriend’ she just uses him …
anyway, that’s a side story, but Jonah Hill does a favor for his mom and baby sits
these 3 kids … a little girl, her brother and her adopted brother.
So Jonah gets into trouble because his ‘girlfriend’ want him to score some drugs with the promise of sex when he delivers … and then all kinds of hi-jinks ensue. Basically it’s an updated version of Adventures in Babysitting … only
with the f-word. (see, there it is again)
Sam Rockwell is pretty damn funny as the drug dealer …
It's worth a rent.
K … seriously … I have to go, it’s late and I am trying to get this out by the end of the month and I am just
rambling and I realize I haven’t said fuck in like 10 or 15 lines and I am starting to get a little edgy and …
...
well fuck ...
- Until next time - SEM
Social Distortion |
